Received some awesome words today. A close friend of mine told me to take a step back, evaluate where I am and then ask God where I need to be going. It's time for me to put my life back into God's hands.
Sometimes it is easier said then done, but I am here to tell you I am doing it. Let me tell you why. When I gave myself to Christ I asked God to reveal Himself to me because I really wanted to know He was there. I told Him that I would do whatever He wanted me to do if He just showed me He was there. Well He did, many, many times. Since then I thought I was truly giving myself to Him.
Things seemed to be going OK, until a couple of months ago. Everything started to come unraveled. Finances, family, job, school....everything. I started questioning God, asking Him what was going on. Going to school was His idea, traveling to Africa and being an advocate for Lahash.... His idea. So what gives? Why is everything going in the toilet? Wasn't I doing what He wanted me to do? God wasn't answering. He was silent. One day I became angry and I stop reading my Bible, my devotions. Oh I was talking to God, but I wasn't happy. I became like Jacob, frustrated, betrayed and ready to wrestle God. I wanted answers and I was going to get them. Here I was 46 years old ready to do what He wants and now He wasn't going to talk to me? THAT was NOT good enough!
Let me stress.........I never walked away from God, never will. In fact, it hit me.....today..........God walked away from me. He didn't abandon me, the Bible is clear about that, no He took a step back...........he paused..........still pausing. He's waiting. What is He waiting for?
Tonight it hit me. I was sitting at a local restaurant looking at my family and the answer was there right in front of me. How many times have I made promises to my kids, my wife and fell through with the results. I know what God was waiting for.........He was waiting for me to remember my promise, a promise that I have seemed to have forgotten. The promise to do WHATEVER He wants me to do.
Yeah, I attended school, struggled through classes and even continue raising money and awareness for Lahash. That is only part of the promise. You see, God wants me to be a Godly father, a Godly husband, a Godly friend a face of Jesus to those around me. I have failed..........
So now what? I have to make a change........as Bebo Norman says "I have to disappear" (please watch the YouTube video below to really understand) I have to stop being Eric. The Eric who yells at his children for the stupidest things, who doesn't give his wife the attention she deserves, the asshole to many including close friends, the Eric that many don't want to be around....Eric has to move out.
So tonight..........I disappear. Bebo's song now becomes my theme song. I don't want people to see Eric, I want them to see our Savior. The one who loved EVERYONE, who spoke words of peace and wisdom to all, who gave His life so we could HAVE life eternally.
Will it be easy? God never promised it would be easy, but I'm tired of Eric. Eric has to go.
